this might be my favorite blog that i regularly follow. Today's post was a great reminder that I am not in control... God is! 

Check it out www.fabsharford.com

Satisfied: be okay.

One night a couple of months ago I found myself treading anxiety like water in my head, paddling my thoughts round and round.

I was planning conversations in my head to try to calm my heart. I do that for the same reason that I get frustrated when traffic is backed up; for the same reason that I try to anticipate all the scenarios that could go wrong in relationships, work or life.

I do these things because I’m desperate to control my life and in secret places in my heart I believe I would be better at the job description of ‘god’ than God. But underneath my obsessive planning and manipulation, my soul is restless for the fulfillment of a desire I was designed for: I long for the assurance that everything will  turn out okay.  

This desire will control the destiny of every single one of us.  It will either lead us to trust in our Creator or trust in created things.

You can either put your faith in whatever false savior promises a life where everything turns out okay: a husband, a job, your own thoughts, your own abilities.

Or, you can let every point of tension and anxiety humble you with the reminder that you have no control over your destiny and put your faith in the only One who does.  Only God can guarantee that everything is going to turn out okay.

If you picked option A, (the arrogance of attempting to control your own life), you will always feel the underlying anxiety and fear that comes from knowing it’s impossible.  You will constantly face obstacles that you cannot find your way around.  No amount of analyzing or action can change the trajectory of your life.

I know that because of King Saul.  Poor guy found out that God had picked David to replace him as King.  Saul used all the resources at his disposal (which were extensive) but he still couldn’t thwart God’s plan.  Saul just wanted everything to turn out okay, (not a bad desire), but instead of letting it lead him to repent and depend on God, he let it lead him to fight and battle against his maker.

David on the flip side, viewed every obstacle standing between him and his destiny be an opportunity to ask for God’s help.  Even in moments when he got tossed a soft ball, and a single action from him would have delivered his dreams, David refused to fight for himself, but instead waited on the Lord.

They both had the same desire – for their lives to turn out as they should.  But where Saul turned to his own hands and muttered to himself – God helps those who help themselves,David got on his knees and confessed that he was unable to help himself. God helps those who turn to Him for help.

This is the Gospel: our confession that we are helpless apart from His intervention. The irony of our desire for things to be okay is that ultimately - things will only turn out okay for those who have the grace to know that they need God to make things okay.  Things will not turn out okay for those who persist in seeking to climb their way to an eternal ‘okay’.

Crazy David.  He was satisfied by God in ways I dream about.  He describes it in this way:

My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,

He tells us why he felt that way:

for you have been my help, (Psalm 63:5-7 ESV)

If we want to be satisfied with God in the same way our bodies are satisfied by a great steak, then we have to look to him for help.  Our longing for everything to be okay is the fuel constantly prompting us to turn to God for help.

Every time you feel your desire for everything to turn out for your good tempt you to control or manipulate or plan, instead let that longing lead you to ask God for help.  He promises that He will work every single detail of every single minute of every single day for our good if we’re in Christ.

Here’s what that means: my dad’s death, my singleness, every bad day and every moment of loneliness is happening – not in spite of God’s promise to make everything turn out okay – but because of His promise that He will work everything for my good.

From His seat in Heaven above I think He has a better view than me of what I need.  Being the One with authority every molecule in the world, I think He has a better ability to control my destiny than me.  I pray that our longing for a happy ending would drive us all into the arms of the only One who has both the wisdom and the power to deliver to us a destiny filled with Himself
.

Simple

I just finished reading Donald Miller's book "Through Painted Deserts." It is about two guys who go on a road trip across the States to contemplate life.  On their trip the guys try to figure out who they are and what is really important.

I could relate to these guy's questions in many ways. What is my purpose? Why are things this way? Why do I feel certain ways? Who am I really?

I have a tendency to complicate things that were not meant to be complicated. I often over analyze situations that were not meant to be analyzed. I have a habit of making things more dramatic than they really are. I think I need more than what I have. I dream about how things could be different. 

I have to stop myself. God has commanded me to love Him. 

Its that simple. 

 LOVE      GOD       WITH       MY      WHOLE     HEART. 

God is teaching me to love Him alone. 

 Many people say getting married or having kids will sanctify you. Since neither of those things have happened yet in my life God is using my job as a teacher to refine me and make me more Christ like. i can honestly say it is one of the hardest, ugliest, and most miserable things. but deep down, underneath all the yuckiness i know God is making something beautiful.

‎"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the things you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

(eye roll) my husband list....

Check out this great blog!


On my twitter feed the other day a link popped up for a ‘Christian husband checklist’.  I knew that this list was likely to irritate me (or potentially make me wrathful), but I clicked the link anyway.

I’ve seen and heard a lot of lists like this.  I met a girl once who told me over our first cup of coffee that she would never marry a guy who wasn’t a virgin.  On the list I checked out the other day my personal highlight was the requirement for a guy who is ‘completely healed of all his baggage’.

I tried to think of what I would put on my list and I’m kind of at a loss.  Here’s my whole list: 1. MUST LOVE JESUS.

I guess I think that takes care of everything.

I think a man who loves Jesus will have a couple of symptoms in his life.  First, he’ll be repentant.  A man who loves Jesus isn’t a man who doesn’t sin; he’s a man who repents.Must love Jesus means that he must love Jesus.  I don’t want someone who says he’s a Christian.  I don’t want someone who says Jesus is the most important part of his life.  I want someone who believes that Jesus IS his life.  I want someone who loves Jesus more than he loves me.

I also think we will need to share a common view of Jesus.  I think there is  room in a relationship to disagree about some elements of theology.  But there are certain foundations of my faith that I need us to share.   When the rubber hits the road in my life, I want to be standing by people who share my beliefs of the inerrancy of Scripture, the nature of the Gospel and the sovereignty of God.

I’m not sure what else I would really put on my list.

Look, do I want a man who is completely healed of all his baggage? Sure.  Do I want to marry a guy who is pure?  Do I want to marry a man who is never deceived by a love of power or approval or comfort or control?  I guess that would be good.  But honestly – I only know one guy who fits that description.  His name is Jesus.

I think if someone shares my view of the gospel, then they probably won’t have ‘completely healed of all her baggage‘ on their list.  I don’t know how you can look at the glory of the Cross and walk away convinced that you deserve to marry someone who has outgrown sin and folly.

This morning I read a great article:

Some people in our culture want too much out of a marriage partner. They do not see marriage as two flawed people coming together to create a space of stability, love and consolation…Rather, they are looking for someone who will accept them as they are, complement their abilities and fulfill their sexual and emotional desires. This will indeed require a woman who is “a novelist/astronaut with a background in fashion modeling,” and the equivalent in a man. A marriage based not on self-denial but on self-fulfillment will require a low- or no-maintenance partner who meets your needs while making almost no claims on you. Simply put—today people are asking far too much in the marriage partner.  - Tim Keller

Maybe I’m missing things on my list.  Maybe I’m naive, but I really think if someone loves Jesus – really loves Jesus, that kind of takes care of everything.

That may mean that they’ve mastered financial stewardship, but they still struggle with porn.  That may mean they’ve conquered lust, but battle with pride.  The evidence of a man who loves Jesus is not found in conquering a specific sin struggle, but rather in his endurance in the fight.

Don’t look for the perfectly healed champion.  He’s already waiting for you in Heaven.

Look for they guy who is covered with scars from the fight.  Look for the guy who is bloody and bleeding with this huge grin on his face because he’s confident that the war is already won.  Don’t stare at each other too long.  Link arms or get back-to-back so you can make each other stronger before the next attack.

Then fight your way home to your true Hero.

ministering to the upperclass in Haiti

Over the past few days, I have been remembering a conversation that some of us had one night.  We were all sitting around in Amber's apartment talking about our lives in Haiti. We started to discuss the way we live our lives here, and the things God was teaching us.

Here were some of our thoughts....

Sometimes I wish we were working more directly with the people living in poverty. 

I feel guilty for having running water and electricity. 

It doesn't feel like I am doing anything beneficial or making a difference. 

It's almost like we are trapped inside this "white" bubble. 

I have wrestled though and continue to wrestle through so many of these things. But just recently it hit me. Really hit me.

My mission field is my classroom. 

Teaching isn't the most glamourous job. I do not have "jaw dropping" stories of saving starving children. I live with a solid roof and walls around me. I have the opportunity to travel around Haiti and see its beauty. But the Lord has blessed me with the opportunity to impact my little 2nd graders minds for Jesus.

My main focus needs to be on loving the 25 second graders God has placed in my life. It seems simple. It seems straightforward. It seems clear. But on days that are hard and on days that I feel discontent it is so easy to forget why the Lord has called me to Haiti...  

one year ago....

One year ago today,  I graduated from Appalachian State. This time last year my entire family and best friends spent the week together in a mountain cabin. I could have never imagined the things that God had in store for me over this past year! I am overwhelmed with God's faithfulness and goodness in my life.

God was faithful. God is faithful. God will always be faithful! 

Citadelle Laferriére: A Photo Journal

One more borrowed (stolen) blog post from Amber....

If you ever end up in Haiti and want to travel to the Citadel, let me know. It is worth the bumpy ride.

We arrived at the little town that sits at the base of the mountain on which the Citadel resides. We drove up to the parking lot in front of the Sans-Souci Palace where Henri Christophe lived. We parked and were  greeted with MANY men who wanted to be our guides and help us up to the Citadel. We visited the information booth and purchased entry tickets, but declined a guide ($60 US for a guide!). We drove up an exceptionally steep hill to the second parking lot. Parked and paid a guy to guard our car, declined handmade trinkets from many women, found a guide and walked up a slippery stone path for about twenty minutes until we reached the Citadel.

It was a very foggy day with low hanging clouds so the large fortress almost popped up in front of us. The fog gave the fortress an eerie look which was kind of pleasant, but I would like to go back again so that I can see the amazing view of the surrounding mountains. We read somewhere that on a clear day you can see the coast of Cuba, 90 miles away, from the Citadel.

Here is a photo journal of our visit around the Citadel....

Nathaniel, Josiah, and Jill doing their "tough" faces.

Outside the Citadel.

Creepy fog....

There are 365 cannons at the Citadel.

Each of the cannons had a different design etched on them.  

This area held the gunpowder.

Lots of cannonballs.

Even more cannonballs!

Great friends to travel with!
From L to R: Josiah, Nathaniel, Me, Jill, Kellyanne, Wilson

View of the surrounding mountains on the hike down.

Fun facts about the Citadel:

• Is is the largest fortress in the Americas and is also a UNESCO World Heritage Site
• Was built as part of a fortification system along with Fort Jacques and Fort Alexandre
• Was built by 20,000 workers between 1805-1820
• Built as defense against a possible French invasion which never happened
• Walls of the for tree rise up 130 feet and the entire complex covers an area of 108,000 square feet
• The stones were fastened with a mortar mixture that included quicklime, molasses, and the blood of local cows and goats
• Large cisterns and storehouses were designed to store enough food and water for 5,000 defenders for up to one year